I am just out here, trying to mind my business.
I just simply want to experiment with different hairstyles while also leaving my hair alone because 1) I want it to grow better 2) I don't have the time or patience these days to care for it on a nightly basis. Sad but true. Working in a space in which it's predominately white people with a sprinkle of black folks here and there is hard and annoying because every time I change my hair I get stares and comments. "What's up with your hair? Last week it was this texture and now it's this style." You've seen my natural hair and you know it looks nothing like this, which means you know it's a wig. Why you continue to be dense and ask questions about my hair that you know the answer to? Beats me. For now I can only concur that you want to hear me outrightly admit that it's a wig so you can laugh and make some more snide jokes in an attempt to embarrass me. And I won't fall into it. My hair is none of your goddamn business. I don't need to explain to you why my hair was a 4a fro last week and a Sensationnel loose curly wig today. I really ain't gotta.
A few weeks ago I decided to wear an afro wig which was bigger than I expected and initially wasn't comfortable with, but after looking at women like Solange, Chaka Khan, Yaya DaCosta... I was feelin it. Every single day at work customers would ask if it's real, if it's mine, if it took long to style, and sometimes I just stared at them as if they had just told me confidently with their chest that 2+2=5. At times when I was feeling vindictive and snarky I'd lie and say "yes, it is my hair." with a big ass smile on my face. I paid for this wig with my own money and it's secured onto my head, therefore it's mine. But like, who are y'all! And more importantly who do y'all THINK y'all are to be asking me these questions! After a few weeks I began to get so annoyed with the constant bombard of questions that I took the wig off. I couldn't take it anymore. I love a little attention here and there but for me to be a black girl with social anxiety and constantly being watched while I do my job? Nah. I don't need or want that extra burden, especially when I'm in the very slow and steady process of working through my anxiety and trying to cope with it better.
The entitlement people have when it comes to black women's bodies will always be astonishing and disgusting to me because I know for a fact a lot of you would never ask or even think of the things you ask, or are itching to ask, other people that you ask black women about. Why do you feel the need to know every single detail about our aesthetic? Does knowing every minute detail about our hair and skin help you pay your bills and sleep better at night? I think the fuck not. What I also think is that you should learn a thing called manners and stop invading people's space, both mentally and physically. I know y'all don't have any home training, but still. This message isn't even aimed towards a specific group of people either i.e. white people. It's aimed at everyone. You know why? Because as a cashier, I've literally had people from all different backgrounds and races think it was completely appropriate and not invasive at all to ask me about my hair when I didn't even know their first names and have never seen them before. Yes, including black people because contrary to popular belief, black people are still annoying and ignorant as fuck. There I said it. Anywhomt.
Imagine if I just came up to you as a stranger and asked if those were your real teeth, or if you had an expensive looking item of clothing or jewelry and I asked if you paid for that yourself in a voice of disbelief and skepticism. You wouldn't like that at all would you? It takes 2 seconds to turn the tables and think about other people's feelings before you allow these vapid and senseless questions to flow out of your sewage line mouths. Now, if we could all just go back to Kindergarten and remember to apply the "Treat others the way you would like to be treated" rule to others as grown ass adults, that would be so so so great.