Lately I feel like I'm becoming more of a spiritual person and shit and it's great. Being in-tune with your emotions and yourself is probably the best thing that you can do for yourself, besides not eating Taco Bell. There are a multitude of mantras, quotes, mindsets, etc. that I have saved in my phone that I want to share because it's honestly some of the very best advice I'll ever receive and the world needs to hear it. Not that the entire world is watching or reading my blog because I'm super irrelevant, but you know what I mean.
Internalizing Other People's Actions
A big one, and (I talk about it) all the time because it's one thing I find myself doing quite often and I think it partially stems from my insecurities. But whether or not you're insecure is beside the issue. The real issue is always blaming yourself for what others do to you, or what they don't do. People who make you feel like you're hard or impossible to love, being a victim of abuse, believing that you're asking for too much when asking for the bare minimum, people projecting their hardships onto you. All of that has nothing to do with you, besides the fact that you're on the receiving end of all the bullshit of course. How people treat and love you is more of a reflection of themselves, rather than you. If you're doing all the right things, doing everything you can, doing everything you should be doing, it's not your fault. The other person has some work to do and you can't blame yourself for the shortcomings and inabilities of others. It's extremely hard to do though, especially when the same thing keeps happening. But putting this into action does not happen overnight, like everything else it's a work in progress. You just have to keep telling yourself that until it's deeply ingrained in you to the point of no return.
Find Yourself Instead of Love
For a long time I've spent too much of my time chasing after boys and fantasizing about love while completely forgetting myself in the process. Literally. This year I made it a goal to always put myself first and love myself more than anyone ever can. I'm embarking on a journey of self-discovery to see what it is that I want out of life, what I want for myself, and what I do and don't like. After all this time I still don't know myself as well as I wish I did, but that's going to change. I want to be the person who knows me best, who knows exactly what I like, who knows exactly what I don't like, etc. I don't want anyone to know me better than I know myself. I'm going to let love find me and completely love myself in the meantime.
Be a Choosey Lover
Don't settle for anything/anyone and accept the bare minimum just because that's your first and probably only option. It's easy to settle when there's only one guy in your life at that moment and you're afraid no one else is ever gonna come around, but they will. And you don't have to subject yourself to an unfulfilling relationship out of fear. Stop sending these stupid snotty nosed boys your nudes, stop accepting Netflix & Chill as a first date, stop messing around with fuckboys even if that's all you ever seem to attract a majority of the time. Stop all that shit. Don't be afraid to curve a nigga over something you don't like, no matter how small or big it is. You're allowed to have standards and be picky. I don't believe there's only one person out there for you. I believe you can have several soulmates that are waiting in the wings for you somewhere in different corners of the world. So stop forcing yourself to put up with trash men and their trash habits and their trash behaviors because you're afraid to be alone and that no one else will ever love you. You deserve better, and I personally think being alone is better than constantly giving yourself to people who really don't deserve you. Give your love and energy to the right people and it'll come back to you tenfold.
Don't Force It
I truly believe what's meant to happen will happen, and what's meant to be yours will come to you. I realized that each time I tried my hardest to force something to happen the way I wanted it to through some detailed plan, manipulation, overthinking/over-analyzation, etc., the opposite of what I wanted to happen, happened. It either went terribly wrong or it just never took off the way I wanted it to. When I'm minding my business and simply just living in the present, that's when I find that things come together a whole lot better. I think when you find the right balance of spending time in your own head and being present, then things make more sense and come together a lot easier. I feel like whenever I invest too much hopes, energy, and thinking into something that I want, it just sort of overpowers everything. The balance is thrown off and you basically jinx yourself by not living life the way you should be. It's like when you force shit the Universe does the opposite of what you want, or mess up your plans somehow, in order to be like "Bro chill. I got this. I got you. Stop fucking up my plans for you." And the Universe will keep fucking your shit up until you finally accept that you need to let it be and go with the flow.
Come as you are. Literally do not change a single thing about you for someone else's liking or comfort, unless you're like a toxic piece of trash then yeah you should work on that. I'm a bit of a hard person and it shows. I really only smile when I'm in the presence of those that I love, I'm not a nice person, I don't like to censor my thoughts, I've been described as "scary" and "unapproachable", I'm very opinionated, the list goes on and on. But that's literally who I am, those qualities and habits are what makes me, me. There's billions of people out here in this world, it is so pointless of you to change yourself to please a few people who are uncomfortable around you. Especially if you're a woman. Especially if you're a black woman, because people are literally gonna hate you and try to find a problem with every little thing that you do so you may as well unapologetically be yourself and stand in your identity.
I don't have all the answers and I'll never claim to, partially because I'm a dumbass. I'm not the smartest or most mentally sane person out here by any means, but as I get to know and work on myself more, I'm slowly finding what I think are some of the best solutions to some of the issues I face and habits that I can't seem to kick. Really switching up your mindset and applying this to your life can be hard because obviously changing into the person that you want to be is never going to be an overnight process, no matter how bad we want it to be. All I can really tell you is that you gotta take it one day at a time and do your best everyday to improve, learn, and unlearn.